038 – Steph & Shay – Building an A-Game Relationship

038 – Steph & Shay – Building an A-Game Relationship

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In this episode, Steph and Shay, a power-couple that has successfully trained and coached couples for a decade, explain how to enhance and strengthen your relationship with your partner. Steph and Shay share their journey to becoming relationship coaches and vulnerably share about their own personal relationship. They give real-life examples of transformed relationships and give some tips that are sure to make a difference in the way you communicate. Listen in to learn about “love crumbs”, reestablishing rapport, and the true purpose of relationships – and get a peek at what they offer in their courses so you can perform at a higher level alongside your loved one.

Time Stamped Show Notes

[02:00] – Introducing Steph and Shay

  • 02:30 – At 16, Steph was sent to a summer program called the “Natural Helpers Program” to learn high-level coaching and mentoring
  • 03:00 – He was an in-school coach and mentor; he knew it was his calling
  • 04:20 – Shay was Steph’s coach and helped him realize that he should help people full-time
  • 04:50 – They founded their first company in 2010 and did business consulting; their experience was perfect for the job

[06:45] – On their focus with couples

  • 07:00 – They did a sales training in 2010 and an executive noticed how well they worked together
  • 07:35 – He asked Steph and Shay to coach him and his wife so they could work together, too
  • 08:50 – They realized that they’ve been coaching CEOs, but it was time to focus on the CEO of the household; they were booked for 6 months with that couple’s friends
  • 09:40 – Their business flipped from 80% business coaching to 80% couples coaching; they refined their business and moved it online
  • 11:00 – The divorce rate is high – and that doesn’t include non-marital relationships that don’t work out
  • 11:30 – Steph and Shay made it their goal to put a dent in the divorce rate

[13:15] – On Steph and Shay’s personal relationship

  • 13:30 – They aren’t perfect, but the work they do keeps them on their toes; they use the same strategies and tools they teach
  • 13:45 – They’ve been together for 15 years and know a joyful loving relationship is possible with daily work

[14:45] – One of their top relationship tips

  • 15:00 – What you focus on expands, so if you focus on the negative aspects of your partner, you’ll get more negative
  • 17:00 – They had a client who called his wife the Hulk; they challenged him to focus on her good qualities
  • 17:40 – Weeks later, he said there wasn’t any Hulk; he had changed his focus
  • 18:15 – We get unconsciously comfortable in relationships; it’s easy to run on auto-pilot

[19:30] – The concept of “love crumbs”

  • 19:40 – “Love crumbs” are little reminders of where you came from in your relationship, like the courting phase
  • 20:30 – Little things add up to be big; for every one negative thing that happens in a relationship, there need to be five good things

[21:20] – On breaking rapport with your partner

  • 21:45 – When Steph breaks rapport with Shay, he puts in the effort to 5x (or more) the good to build rapport again

[22:00] – On their relationships course

  • 22:15 – They break it down into manageable chunks with a hands-on application; “The Trifecta of Languages” are connection languages
  • 22:35 – Certain words offer deeper connection; they also teach a spin on love languages and introduce “sex languages”
  • 23:20 – Communication is the root of all the languages

[23:50] – On working with couples who aren’t meant to be

  • 24:10 – They’ve seen it and don’t push people to stay together
  • 24:30 – They ask 2 questions before they begin: Is this relationship worth having? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make it work?
  • 25:30 – They’ve helped clients move on amicably

[26:50] – On the true purpose of relationships

  • 27:00 – Happiness is important in relationships, wholeness is the bigger purpose

[28:00] – How to learn more: www.stephandshay.com and use coupon code LOVE25 for 25% off

  • 29:43 – They have a course that teaches couples how to perform at a high level together

3 Key Points

  1. Weak communication is the #1 root issue in relationships.
  2. A strong relationship is key to high performance.
  3. The true purpose of a relationship is wholeness.


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